It takes more than a beautiful face to have a successful marriage. You need heart, soul and faith to grow happily together. ●|● Shaykh AbdulBary Yahya ●|●
Many Muslims are very concerned with how would the 1st night of marriage pass!!
It's a normal fear since this is the 1st experience to get closer to a somewhat stranger person, even if they know each other well, but it's their 1st establishment of a physical connection.
Here lies the beauty of Islam,
Islam was cautious to let this 1st physical connection occur via an honorable clean means, through announced marriage, where all the rights of the two parties are preserved.
The 1st night of marriage could even be a beautiful memory when both remember Allah at that night, and what's meant to be for Allah lasts and stays connected.. and what's not meant to be for Allah breaks and disconnects.
when you enter your apartment/house with your partner, say Bismillah, and pray: O Allah, I seek that you grant me with the goodness of my wife/husband, and seek that you keep away from me what's bad in her/him, in Arabic:
"Allahumma inni asaluka min khiriha/khairihi wa khair ma hya/hwa lah,,,wa a oothu bika min sharriha/sharrehe wa sharr ma hya/hwa lah"اللهم انى اسالك من خيره وخير ماهو له وأعوذ بك من شره وشر ماهو له
she/he should say the same.
then make Duaa, and say Ameen after your partner, any general Duaa for Barakah.
and pray with your partner two Rakaat together, short or long no problem.
Then the husband shall sit besides his bride and read some Quran verses, whatever verses you like, this would relax your souls and lessen the tension.
Suppose u felt ready for getting into physical relationship, PLEASE ask your wife/husband to begin with Bismillah and say: O Allah save us from Satan and let it stay away from what you granted us. "Alahumma ganninbna al Shaytaan wa ganninb Al Shaitaan Ma razaqtana" اللهم جنبنا الشيطن وجنب الشيطن ما رزقتنا
If not, tell your partner.... Islam didn't put recommendations for this save what previously stated here, and no one is obliged to fulfill intimacy in the very 1st night.
you can spend that night in a nice way, however, by talking, remembering the days of engagement... that would ease both of you and it will end up normally, In Shaa Allah.
Try to get that kind of connection that makes you get accustomed to your partner, in a soft way with a relaxed mind.
The Noble Quran has mentioned something about that delicate relation:
وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْمَحِيضِ قُلْ هُوَ أَذًى فَاعْتَزِلُواْ النِّسَاء فِي الْمَحِيضِ وَلاَ تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّىَ يَطْهُرْنَ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ
نِسَاؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُواْ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّى شِئْتُمْ وَقَدِّمُواْ لأَنفُسِكُمْ وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُواْ أَنَّكُم مُّلاقُوهُ وَبَشِّرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
2: 222 They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is a suffer, so let women alone at such times and go not in unto them till they are cleansed. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah hath enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loveth those who turn unto Him, and loveth those who have a care for cleanness.
223 Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth as ye will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will (one day) meet Him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad).
In fact, the verse came to organize the act of intercourse.. the word tilth here refers to the site of implantation, i.e. the vagina, means that women have the place where you put your seeds to have siblings, O men!.. so you can ONLY make intercourse in that specific place.. so, rectal intercourse is a sin coz of this verse.
The reason this verse was revealed is that a man used to meet his wife from behind but in her vagina, he was doubt about it being legal.. so he questioned Prophet Muhammad and the verse revealed it. That's why it states here: so go to your tilth as ye will.. i.e. whatever position is legal provided that it would be in the vagina, the place of tilth.
" and send (good deeds) before you for your souls" means you'd better put in mind to remember your God and say "In the Name of Allah" 1st, as when you remember your Creator, you then admit that He is supreme over you and only His power could make your woman get pregnant, not your implant.. then whenever you remember your Creator, you then protect your sibling -which is the major aim of such a process- from Satan.
A hint for men:
عَنْ أَبِي ذَرٍّ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ ، "أَنَّ نَاسًا مِنْ أَصْحَابِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه و سلم قَالُوا لِلنَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه و سلم يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ذَهَبَ أَهْلُ الدُّثُورِ بِالْأُجُورِ؛ يُصَلُّونَ كَمَا نُصَلِّي، وَيَصُومُونَ كَمَا نَصُومُ، وَيَتَصَدَّقُونَ بِفُضُولِ أَمْوَالِهِمْ. قَالَ: أَوَلَيْسَ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ مَا تَصَّدَّقُونَ؟ إنَّ بِكُلِّ تَسْبِيحَةٍ صَدَقَةً، وَكُلِّ تَكْبِيرَةٍ صَدَقَةً، وَكُلِّ تَحْمِيدَةٍ صَدَقَةً، وَكُلِّ تَهْلِيلَةٍ صَدَقَةً، وَأَمْرٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ صَدَقَةٌ، وَنَهْيٌ عَنْ مُنْكَرٍ صَدَقَةٌ، وَفِي بُضْعِ أَحَدِكُمْ صَدَقَةٌ. قَالُوا: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَيَأْتِي أَحَدُنَا شَهْوَتَهُ وَيَكُونُ لَهُ فِيهَا أَجْرٌ؟ قَالَ: أَرَأَيْتُمْ لَوْ وَضَعَهَا فِي حَرَامٍ أَكَانَ عَلَيْهِ وِزْرٌ؟ فَكَذَلِكَ إذَا وَضَعَهَا فِي الْحَلَالِ، كَانَ لَهُ أَجْرٌ".
on the authority of Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him):
Some people from amongst the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), "O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards; they pray as we pray, they fast as we fast, and they give [much] in charity by virtue of their wealth." He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Has not Allah made things for you to give in charity? Truly every tasbeehah [saying: 'subhan-Allah'] is a charity, and every takbeerah [saying: 'Allahu akbar'] is a charity, and every tahmeedah [saying: 'al-hamdu lillah'] is a charity, and every tahleelah [saying: 'laa ilaha illAllah'] is a charity. And commanding the good is a charity, and forbidding an evil is a charity, and in the bud`i [sexual act] of each one of you there is a charity." They said, "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his carnal desire will he have some reward for that?" He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Do you not see that if he were to act upon it [his desire] in an unlawful manner then he would be deserving of punishment? Likewise, if he were to act upon it in a lawful manner then he will be deserving of a reward." It was related by Muslim.
مَنْ غَسَّلَ وَاغْتَسَلَ يَوْمَ الْجُمُعَةِ وَبَكَّرَ وَابْتَكَرَ وَمَشَى وَلَمْ يَرْكَبْ، وَدَنَا مِنَ الْإِمَامِ وَاسْتَمَعَ وَلَمْ يَلْغُ، كَانَ لَهُ بِكُلِّ خُطْوَةٍ أَجْرُ سَنَةٍ صِيَامُهَا وَقِيَامُهَا
Whoever performs (and causes to perform) Ghusl (well) on the day of Jumu`ah, leaves early, walking not riding, and sits close to the Imam and listens without talking, will earn the reward of fasting and performing standing (in prayer) for an entire year for every step he takes.
This Hadith has various chains of narration, the compilers of the Four Sunan collected it, and At-Tirmidhi graded it Hasan.
A hint for women: If you're feeling ready for intimacy..A woman can easily express her wish for intimacy by soft means without clearly expressing that in terms, by changing her clothing, making her hair, putting perfume and makeup, preparing a romantic atmosphere...
During the process, you shall express what you don't like so that your partner becomes aware of it, and if he made something you like, you can then show satisfaction so that he understands this. It is a double sided relationship, this means he would like you to give him as he gives you, he also has his own points of satisfaction.. the more you become thoughtful the more satisfaction and appreciation you get.. and this comes gradually and smoothly with time.
As for the virginity blood and so on, it has nothing to do with Islam, but an old tradition which faded now.. some women don't have that blood after their 1st experience, naturally created so, so it shouldn't be a concern..trust and respect is what should be the concern.
Suppose you're already married and you wasn't informed with the proper Duaa's, what to do?
Nothing, simply consider today the 1st day, and start from now following the guidance of Islam concerning this issue, hoping to gain rewards from Allah in the Hereafter.
I recommend reading these books for further detail:
The Bride’s Boon / Tuhfat Al-‘Arous
Islamic guide to sexual relationships
Did you know?The core of marriage is all collected in one verse in the holy Quran:
30:21وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجاً لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
30:21 And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.
Look what Dr/Mustafa Mahmoud said:
"Mercy, deeper than love and purer, inside it you find sacrifice and self-denial along with forgiveness and warmth, it also involves generosity!
we all can love, by our nature.. but few are those who can give mercy!"
That's why choosing a pious husband or wife that has both the two characters would guarantee a healthy marriage with peaceful life.
Having the right and righteous partner is a great blessing from Allah, and it worth praying for.
May Allah grant us all with that blessing, and I say to every two newly married couples:
بارك الله لكما وبارك عليكما وجمع بينكما فى خير
''Barak Allah lakuma wa barak alikoma wajamaa bainakuma fi khair''
may Allah bless you and bless upon you and gather you in righteousness. Amen ^___^
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